Posted by: rojukene | aprill 15, 2009

Kvaliteetkirjandust

Pole enam ammu bloginud, peaks vist igaks juhuks endast elumärki andma… Pärga on igatahes veel vara tellima hakata. Lihtsalt pole olnud jaksu ennast maailmaga jagada, endagagi liigselt palju tegemist.

Igatahes olen ma juba tükimad ajad kuulanud Kettamaailma audioraamatuid ning olen hetkel järjega 34. teose juures, milleks on “Thud!” ning kuna üks koht ajas mind üsna homeeriliselt naerma, otsustasin seda jagada. Taustainfona mainiks igaks juhuks ära, et Sam Vimes on abielus leedi Ramkiniga ja neil on väike poeg.

Young Sam pulled himself up against the cot’s rails, and said, `Da!’ The world
went soft.
Vimes stroked his son’s hair. It was funny, really. He spent the day yelling and
shouting and talking and bellowing … but here, in this quiet time smelling
(thanks to Purity) of soap, he never knew what to say. He was tongue-tied in
the presence of a fourteen-month-old baby. All the things he thought of
saying, like `Who’s Daddy’s little boy, then?’ sounded horribly false, as though
he’d got them from a book. There was nothing to say, nor, in this soft pastel
room, anything that needed to be said.
There was a grunt from under the cot. Dribble the dragon was dozing there.
Ancient, fireless, with ragged wings and no teeth, he clambered up the stairs
every day and took up station under the cot. No one knew why. He made little
whistling noises in his sleep.
The happy silence enveloped Vimes, but it couldn’t last. There was The
Reading Of The Picture Book to be undertaken. That was the meaning of six
o’clock.
It was the same book, every day. The pages of said book were rounded and
soft where Young Sam had chewed them, but to one person in this nursery
this was the book of books, the greatest story ever told. Vimes didn’t need to
read it any more. He knew it by heart.
It was called Where’s My Cow?
The unidentified complainant had lost their cow. That was the story, really.
Page one started promisingly:
Where’s my cow?
Is that my cow?
It goes, ‘Baa!’
It is a sheep! That’s not my cow!
Then the author began to get to grips with their material:
Where’s my cow?
Is that my cow?
It goes, `Neigh!’
It is a horse! That’s not my cow!
At this point the author had reached an agony of creation and was writing
from the racked depths of their soul.
Where’s my cow?
Is that my cow?
It goes, ‘Hruuugh!’
It is a hippopotamus! That’s not my cow!
This was a good evening. Young Sam was already grinning widely and crowing
along with the plot.
Eventually, the cow would be found. It was that much of a pageturner. Of
course, some suspense was lent by the fact that all other animals were
presented in some way that could have confused a kitten, who perhaps had
been raised in a darkened room. The horse was standing in front of a
hatstand, as they so often did, and the hippo was eating at a trough against
which was an upturned pitchfork. Seen from the wrong direction, the tableau
might look for just one second like a cow …
Young Sam loved it, anyway. It must have been the most cuddled book in the
world.
Nevertheless, it bothered Vimes, even though he’d got really good at the
noises and would go up against any man in his rendition of the ‘Hruuugh!’ But
was this a book for a city kid? When would he ever hear these noises? In the
city the only sound those animals would make was `sizzle’ But the nursery
was full of the conspiracy, with baa-lambs and teddy bears and fluffy ducklings
everywhere he looked.
One evening, after a trying day, he’d tried the Vimes street version:
Where’s my daddy?
Is that my daddy?
He goes, ‘Bugrit! Millennium hand and shrimp!’
He is Foul Ole Ron! That’s not my daddy!
It had been going really well when Vimes heard a meaningful little cough from
the doorway, wherein stood Sybil. Next day, Young Sam, with a child’s
unerring instinct for this sort of thing, said ‘Buglit!’ to Purity. And that,
although Sybil never raised the subject even when they were alone, was that.
From then on Sam stuck rigidly to the authorized version.

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Responses

  1. Ah he he he
    ma ka just nädalakene tagasi või nii lugesin seda 🙂

  2. Jee 🙂 Aga kui ette loetakse, on see lehmaotsimise osa veel eriti koom 😀


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